


and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles i'm faking

by lazyfish



Series: so i'll go back to l.a. [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29376933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazyfish/pseuds/lazyfish
Summary: Bobbi’s first semester of college is almost over, and Jemma decides to make a surprise visit.
Relationships: Bobbi Morse/Jemma Simmons
Series: so i'll go back to l.a. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151429
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles i'm faking

**Author's Note:**

> This is technically a prequel to another work of mine, but no knowledge of that fic is required to enjoy this!

Jemma almost turned around.

Driving from her hometown to the university, she had almost turned around. More than once, in fact. 

Going to visit Bobbi had been an impulsive decision, one she was sure her mum was going to shoot down the moment she brought it up. Instead she had gotten her mother’s blessing, two hundred dollars in cash, and the stern warning that just because she was visiting a college did not mean she could drink.

She hadn’t exactly mentioned to her best friend that she was coming, though.

Jemma knew she wasn’t busy; Bobbi had stayed late at school ostensibly to finish up her term paper for her intro bio class, but she’d confided to Jemma three days ago that she had finished ahead of schedule and just wasn’t ready to go home yet. Bobbi hadn’t said as much, but Jemma guessed it had something to do with Bobbi butting heads with her parents about her plan to move to Los Angeles after graduation. 

Either way, Bobbi was alone in her dorm room and Jemma was out of school for winter break, which meant they could see each other for the first time since they’d said goodbye at the end of August.

Well, not said goodbye, exactly. Jemma hadn’t been there when Bobbi had left for the last time. She’d been too worried she would cry… and too worried that she would say something on the subject of her feelings for Bobbi that she’d later regret.

Hopefully this surprise trip would make up for whatever disappointment Bobbi had felt at Jemma not being there for her send-off.

_[Jemma]: Come outside._

_[Bobbi]: ???_

The minutes it took for Bobbi to appear in the front entrance of her dormitory were enough for Jemma to reconsider her life’s choices, again, but the moment Bobbi did appear, all of that disappeared.

“Jemma!”

She lifted herself out of the driver’s seat of her car, just quickly enough to be enveloped in the biggest hug Jemma thought she’d ever received. Jemma hugged Bobbi back, a smile aching at her cheeks as she inhaled deeply. Bobbi smelled the same as she remembered, and she was happy to see Jemma, and everything was _okay._

“Hello,” Jemma said breathlessly, fumbling behind herself until she shut the car door.

“ _Hello_ ,” Bobbi repeatedly incredulously. “It’s been three months and all I get is hello?!” She dived back in for another hug, and Jemma let her. Bobbi wasn’t one for showing her emotions, even the positive ones, so this warm of a reception was a little jarring… but in a good way. 

“I missed you,” Bobbi murmured. “So much.”

Jemma squeezed her eyes shut, leaning into Bobbi’s embrace. “I missed you too.” Living without Bobbi had been like living without a limb, at least for the first few weeks. There was no one to walk home from the bus with her, no one to tease her about studying too hard, no one she could talk to about anything. Bobbi had insisted Jemma could text whenever she wanted, but Jemma hadn’t wanted to bother Bobbi. She had a new life in college, with new friends and new interests and new _everything_. Jemma hadn’t wanted to be a distraction. 

“Are you here for the day? Or longer?” Bobbi asked, holding Jemma out at arm’s length. Jemma was probably just making up the hopefulness in Bobbi’s voice when she asked if she was staying longer.

“I was hoping for the weekend, if you’re alright with me sleeping in your dorm room?” Jemma asked cautiously. It wasn’t like her to go into something like this without a meticulous plan, but seeing Bobbi had been more important than planning.

“Yeah, of course! You might need to move your car to the student lot but… yes, you can stay with me.” 

Jemma smiled. “Excellent.”

\---

Hours later, sitting on the floor of Bobbi’s room with a pizza box between them, Jemma couldn’t help but think it was like they’d never been apart at all. They’d spent the day catching up on anything and everything, from how Mr. Gonzales down the street had planted new azaleas in the garden to what their mutual friends were up to now.

“I still can’t believe you’re here,” Bobbi said, nibbling at her pizza crust. “This is the best Christmas gift ever.”

“This isn’t your Christmas gift,” Jemma said, tilting her head. She’d gotten Bobbi two photo albums for Christmas - one filled with pictures of the two of them together, and the other for Bobbi to fill with photos from her modeling career. She was just doing a shoot or two on weekends, nothing overly time consuming given her school schedule, but Jemma was trying to be supportive. She wasn’t sure modelling could be a full-time career. Modelling, acting, photography… Jemma _wished_ people cared more about the arts, but the skeptic in her wasn’t sure how a normal person could make a living off it.

“I know it’s not. But this is still the best gift ever, because you’re my best friend.” Bobbi nudged Jemma’s foot with hers, and Jemma forced herself to smile.

 _Best friend_. How was it that those words could be so bitter? It should’ve been enough that Bobbi still considered her a friend at all, but the words coiled around Jemma’s heart and squeezed hard. Bobbi was never going to be just a friend to her, and it killed her that she’d never be able to say so.

But it was her job as Bobbi’s best friend to support her dreams, not get in the way of them, and there was no way in hell Jemma was going to give Bobbi an excuse to stay in Ohio when she wanted more than that.

Not to mention Bobbi was _probably_ straight. Probably. 

“It’s selfish, really. I just wanted to see you before all of the holiday madness.”

“I’m glad you did,” Bobbi said. She finished with the pizza crust and pushed herself closer to Jemma, so their knees were touching. “I wanted to see you too.”

“Does this have anything to do with the forty calls you made two weekends ago?” Jemma asked, once again forcing a smile. She had no idea why Bobbi had called her so many times in a row, and at three in the morning, no less, but she was willing to entertain any explanation.

“Oh. I don’t know why I called you, actually. I was drunk. Like, _really_ drunk.”

“My mum told me if I was coming to visit you I couldn’t drink,” Jemma said, smiling wryly.

“I’m not taking a high schooler out with me to a bar!”

“I’m only a year younger than you,” Jemma pointed out.

“But you’re young and innocent.” Bobbi smiled teasingly at Jemma. “I wouldn’t want to corrupt you.”

“We both know this isn’t the first time you’ve corrupted me,” Jemma said, teasing right back. Bobbi had been the one to introduce her to pornography, which had been… illuminating. And inconvenient, given aforementioned feelings about Bobbi collided with the discovery of porn and created a bit of a mess.

“Jem,” Bobbi said, knocking their knees together again. “Is everything okay?”

Could Bobbi read minds? It was a distinct possibility. In any case she had always been good at reading Jemma - something she had conveniently forgotten in the last three months when Bobbi wasn’t around to give her those _I know what you’re thinking_ looks across crowded rooms.

“I just…” _Am in love with you._ “It’s really different without you around, I guess. And I still miss the way things used to be.” She was happy for Bobbi and the new life she was making, happy Bobbi was happy, but things had been much simpler when they were together. For one thing, Jemma was more able to distract herself from her not-platonic feelings when she and Bobbi were doing platonic things together. Now she was only a few hours away from sleeping in Bobbi’s bed, alone together in a dorm room.

“I miss them too,” Bobbi whispered. “I miss being close to you all the time.”

“Yeah.” Jemma didn’t bother trying to force another smile - Bobbi would just be able to see through it and keep asking about things that were wrong. “I know it’s part of growing up, but…”

“It would be nice if we could stay kids forever,” Bobbi agreed wistfully. “I keep thinking that I’m crazy for dreaming, you know? Like I’m still acting like a kid even though I’m not supposed to be one anymore.”

“It’s not crazy to dream,” Jemma insisted. “I wish I was better at it.”

“You’re better than you think.” Bobbi said. She draped a hand over Jemma’s knee. “You’ll find dreams too one day.”

“Maybe.” Jemma tilted her head. It would be nice if she could guarantee whatever dream she ended up with would allow her and Bobbi to be friends forever, but she couldn’t guarantee that. She couldn’t guarantee anything, and for someone who built her life around science, around guarantees, that was scary.

Jemma didn’t know how to live in a future where she wasn’t guaranteed to have Bobbi. A part of her hoped that growing up would mean growing out of this useless crush. Since it hadn’t gone anywhere in the last five years, Jemma wasn’t sure it was a realistic hope.

“You will,” Bobbi insisted. “And if not we can make some together.”

“You don’t mean that,” Jemma murmured, looking down at the carpet. It was the same as every other school carpet she had seen, an ugly dark teal speckled with green and brown and orange. 

“I do.” Bobbi squeezed her knee and Jemma wished she could ignore her heart speeding up in her chest. 

“I promise, Jemma. Even if I become a famous model and move to Los Angeles there’ll always be room for you. For us. And our dreams,” Bobbi said. “As long as you always have room for me.”

“Always,” Jemma said.

This time, when she smiled it wasn’t forced. She was just… happy. Maybe she couldn’t guarantee the future - but she could guarantee now, sitting on Bobbi’s bedroom floor, smiling.


End file.
